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The Doorway
By Dieter Auner, Suzanne Bridgham, Christopher Burdett, John Cullen (III), Teresa DePriest, Robert Hall, Christian Harmony, Don Maloney, Daniel McNamara, Joe Moylan, Brendan Murray, Hoda Saoud, Roy Scheider, Ricco Se, Lauren Woodland
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So imagine that you and a few friends are given the opportunity for free rent and some $10,000 for one semester. So what is the catch? All you have to do is renovate the house, oh and I almost forgot somewhere in the house lies a doorway straight to HELL.
At the start everything seems fine, the residents are doing some cleaning, and rocking out to some Donna Summer, until strange things start to happen, for instance a creepy hand rubbing some girl's tea nitties in the shower. At first everyone just plays the strange occurrences off, until one guy finds out that the house was built on ground that was used for devil worship. About this time some demons start showing up, randy as hell. So what are four college students suppose to do? Option A: get the fuck out, Option B: take some hot demon gel up the ass, or Option C: ask your professor what to do. Well the college students make the worst decision, and ask for their professor's advice. I personally would have taken option B.
When the professor starts to investigate the house, the demons are really pissed off so they start to fuck shit up and you do get to see some sweet kills, like someone getting their face peeled off. Throughout most of the movie you do get to see many sex scenes including a few demon sex scenes. So on the whole I really enjoyed this movie, maybe it's because I enjoy demon sex, or maybe it's all of the boobies, or maybe it' the fact that I like sweet kills, but regardless if you have even the slightest inclination towards either of those than stop reading this review and watch that movie. If not you can go fuck yourself.
two thumbs up
Leong | | |
| So this movie starts out with the former chief medical examiner of Chicago, William Palmer writing a fictional book, about a case he was never able to solve. The title of the book is surprise Bone Daddy. With the recent publication of the instant hit seller, the author starts to receive some human bones wrapped in pages from his own book. The big surprise is that the bones are removed from a person who is still alive. Obviously the killer has a personal vendetta against the main protagonist.
The sweet part about this movie is that Palmer when he is depressed, which is basically the entire movie, he goes to a chess bar to drink/play his sorrows away. But on a whole this movie pretty much sucked, and I do not want anyone to go through the movie, aspca since the only tae-nitties you get to see are dead black ones, and while that might turn some people on, others like my self are disgusted by that. (The black part not the dead)
Basically Bone Daddy, while it has a sweet name, it is a waste of time. Also if the suspense of who the killer is, gets to be to much to handle all you have to do is look on the back of the box. Another thing is
Two Thumbs Down
Leong | | |
| Movie - The West
Tagline -
PBS released this 12 1/2 hour project in 1996, from Ken Burns and Stephen Ives. Fortunately the VHS was only one snippet of the whole thing. The project begins before European settlement, and continues through the 20th century, but this peice just covers the gold rush era.
Most of the historical facts are presented chronologically, helped along by a center story about one man (voiced by Matthew Broderick) who kept a detailed diary while he left New York for California, and eventually returned home with no more money than he left.
Lots of people died. From the rough trails west, to the bandits robbing wealth, to the crazy white people attempting to exterminate those silly indians. Apparently California used to have laws where you could make any indian under the age of 18 your slave with the signature of a "friend."
Lots of people went to get rich, very few miners actually did. But the whores and bankers came out of the whole thing fairly well.
The VHS had good photos that it used to show people of the time, and articulate points, but I felt that the filmakers made a needlessly risky, and fatal decision when they went against the norm and didn't use any actual film footage of the time. Interest could have been held much better with "moving pictures" as some like to call them. They also could have left out the part about the Chinese, except maybe the part about the one chinaman opening a laundry shop.
Thumbs Down.
- Schneider
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The Virgin Suicides
By James Woods, Kathleen Turner, Kirsten Dunst, Josh Hartnett, Michael Par?, Scott Glenn, Danny DeVito, A.J. Cook, Hanna R. Hall, Leslie Hayman, Chelse Swain, Anthony DeSimone, Lee Kagan, Robert Schwartzman, Noah Shebib, Jonathan Tucker, Joe Roncetti, Hayden Christensen, Chris Hale, Joe Dinicol
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Ok so this film is suppose to be about growing up in the mid 80's. In reality the lives that the teens lived really wasn't that different from most lives that teenagers live today. Especially Josh Hartnett's character, named Trip. He was such a badass, I mean at the age of sixteen, not only was he smoking dubs in his red Firebird, but at one of the school dances he brought a pint of peach schnapps.
Through out the entire move a group of teenage boys are trying to befriend the Lisbon sisters, five lovely girls ages 13 to 17. The girls parents are math teacher James Woods, and psycho religious bitch Kathleen Turner. As you can imagine Jesus does not want the girls to; listen to Kiss records, talk to boys, wear clothing that show the shoulder, and above all Jesus despises suicide. Apparently the Lisbon girls must have missed that sermon, because as the title of the movie states the girls do commit suicide. It starts with the youngest girl trying to slit her wrist, but hey she even sucked at killing her self. A few weeks later after some therapy from Danny DeVito, the youngest girl jumps out a window and lands on an iron fence post. Later in the movie Josh Hartnett starts going after the second youngest Lisbon girl, played by Kristen Dunst. Well Trip is some how able to convince James Woods to allow him and some of the members of the football team to take the girls to a school dance. Well at the dance, Trip is able to sneak out with his girl and he fucks her in the middle of the football field. So she is late, and mom gets pissed, so the girls kill themselves.
Life was so terrible for them, they didn't have any debts, or they didn't lose millions of dollars on the stock market, but I guess when you are a teenage girl, not being able to go the movies, must be a legitimate reason to kill your self. The one thing that I learned in this movie is that if you want to turn a girl into a complete slut, you need to follow these simple steps. Step 1: get the girl drunk on some peach schnapps. Step 2: take her to the middle of the football field. Step 3: fuck her until she passes out. Step 4: walk away as if nothing happened. With these simple steps it will turn any girl into a huge whore.
two thumbs down
Leong | | |
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